Imagine you’re a new manager. You’ve finally made it. The title is yours, the responsibility is yours, but deep down, you know the truth: you don’t feel deserving of the role. You tell yourself you got lucky, that someone made a mistake.

And because you feel like an imposter, you start seeking validation. Not the quiet kind that comes from doing the work and earning respect over time. No, you want the quick fix. You want everyone—your team, your customers—to like you.

So, you start talking.

To your team, you say, “Don’t worry, I’ll shield you from the customer’s demands. We’re a team; I’ll handle them.”

Then, to the customer, you promise, “My team is all-in on your success. Whatever you need, we’ll make it happen.”

At first, it feels like you’re walking the tightrope perfectly. You’re keeping everyone happy, and for a moment, it seems like you’re pulling it off. But here’s the hard truth: you can’t live on a tightrope forever.

The Insecurity Trap

When you’re insecure in a leadership role, you’re constantly looking outward for approval instead of inward for confidence. You confuse validation with effectiveness. You think, “If they like me, maybe I belong here after all.”

So, you split yourself in two. You tell one story to your employees and another to your clients. You try to be everything to everyone, thinking this will bridge the gap between your self-doubt and their approval.

But here’s the thing: bridges built on dishonesty don’t hold weight for long.

When the House of Cards Falls

At first, it works. Your employees think, “Hey, this guy’s on our side.” Your customers think, “Wow, they’re really committed to us.”

But it doesn’t take long for the cracks to show.

Your employees overhear what you told the client. The customer sees delays and realizes your promises were empty. Soon, they’re not just questioning what you said—they’re questioning you.

And here’s where it gets dangerous: once people lose trust, they don’t just stop believing you—they stop following you. In leadership, trust isn’t just a nice-to-have; it’s the whole game.

Why It’s So Tempting

Why do we fall into this trap? Why do so many new or struggling managers talk from both sides of their mouths?

It’s fear. Fear of being exposed as “not good enough.” Fear of confrontation. Fear of making decisions that won’t please everyone.

It’s easier to tell people what they want to hear than to own the hard truths. But here’s the paradox: leadership isn’t about avoiding hard truths; it’s about standing firm in them.

The Path Forward: Authenticity Over Approval

Here’s the uncomfortable reality: you cannot lead if you’re constantly chasing validation. Trying to make everyone happy doesn’t make you a good leader; it makes you an unreliable one.

So what’s the alternative? Authenticity. Consistency. The courage to own your role, even when you don’t feel ready.

  • To your team: Be honest. Say, “Here’s what the customer needs from us, and here’s how I need your help to get there. I’ll support you, but we have to deliver.”
  • To your customer: Be realistic. Say, “We’re committed to delivering value, but let’s work together to ensure expectations are aligned.”

Will this make everyone happy? Probably not. But will it earn you respect? Absolutely. And in the long run, respect is far more valuable than fleeting approval.

Closing: The Leadership You Deserve to Be

Leadership isn’t about being liked—it’s about being trusted. It’s about showing up, being honest, and making the tough calls even when they make you unpopular.

Talking from both sides of your mouth might seem like an easy way to navigate the early days of leadership, but it’s not a long-term strategy. It’s a shortcut to losing trust, respect, and credibility.

So, stop trying to make everyone happy. Start focusing on being the leader your team and your clients deserve. Because when you lead with authenticity, you don’t just prove you belong—you make an impact that lasts.

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