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I use to think my life was about making it big at work, moving up within the ranks, increasing my salary year over year, traveling the world, launching my own company, and ultimately having success. I felt by achieving these goals and objectives, I would be happy, I could buy my family more things, be respected, and feel good about myself.

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Having achieved most if not all of my goals, little did I realize that, in the relentless pursuit of these goals, my relationship with my wife (ex), my kids, my family, and ultimately my god would get strained. Strained to the point where, I now sit here writing this post.

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Today, I have numerous global mentees approaching me and seeking guidance on pursuing similar goals. They feel if they have a higher band level, higher salary, bigger house, fancy car, etc. they will be considered successful. In this pursuit, I am finding that they are slowly losing connectedness to their families, friends, and to themselves. While they were once happy and energetic, they now appear to be run-down.

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While there are many areas to address (which we will in future posts), one of the key areas I have the greatest regrets in, are the missed opportunities to bond with my children and watch them grow. With so much focus on work and issues with my marriage, I nearly lost my connection to my children.

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Working 16-18 hour days, being available 7/24 to deal with work related emergencies, hiding behind my work so I wouldn't have to deal with my wife, and being short tempered with my kids due to the stress with work and my marriage, was taking a toll on my relationship with the kids.

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When all they would want is for me to play chess with them, I would be too busy, when all they would want is for me to read them a bed time story, I would do it in 2-3 mins and then run back to work, when all they would want is for me to play with them, I would have no time, when all they would want is to eat together at the dining table, I would be too busy and eat in my office, when all they would want is to play with each other and be kids, I would yell at them to be quiet.

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After the collapse of my marriage, some health scares, and the realization that I am not saving the world at my job, I refocused my efforts and have put my health, my kids, my family and my god, ahead of everything.

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One of the key advices i received from a former mentor who is no longer with us, is to realize that no matter what you do for your organization, in the end, you are just some number in an HR database. If something happens to you and you pass away, sure they will miss you for a day, however, business has to continue and you will be replaced. It is your family that will suffer, not your work.

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My hope is, by sharing my personal experiences with all of you, you will be able to learn from my mistakes and ensure you have a much better relationship with your kids and with your spouse.

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The goal of this post is to equip you with the necessary insight, foresight, and tools to improve your relationship.

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Here are some daily reminders, I use to stay connected to my children:

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  • Kids will yell and scream
  • Do not scold the kids in front of others
  • Kids will pick on each other
  • Kids will tease each other
  • Kids will test their boundaries
  • Kids will challenge you
  • Kids will play in the rain
  • Kids will jump in the puddle
  • Kids will play with dirt
  • Kids will pick up bugs
  • Kids will ask many many many questions about the most simplest things
  • Kids will want to tell you their stories so stop what you are doing and listen to them
  • Kids want to share what they did at school
  • Kids love to build forts
  • Kids love to play video games
  • Kids love to sword fight
  • Kids are picky eaters
  • Kids will never finish their plates
  • Kids will break things
  • Kids will lie to you out of fear
  • Kids hate going to bed
  • Kids hate washing up - baths, showers, hands
  • Kids hate brushing their teeth
  • Kids get scared at night and will come to your room
  • Kids want you to tell them bedtime stories
  • Kids love to sleep together
  • The older kids don't want the younger kids hanging around them
  • The younger kids want to hand around the older kids
  • The older kids hate it when the younger kids play with their toys
  • The younger kids love playing with the older kids toys
  • The older kids want their own space
  • The girls want their own girlie space
  • Kids love to visit their grandparents/uncles because there they don’t have boundaries.
  • Kids love painting & drawing.
  • Kids love to make cards.


What Parents should do with their Children:


  • Schedule 1 on 1s with kids each week
  • Ask each of the kids 2 things they want to do on the weekend and make sure you do atleast 1
  • Make sure you spend time with the kids playing hide and seek
  • Make sure you spend time with the kids playing Video Games
  • Make sure you take the kids to the park
  • Make sure you listen to your kids when they tell you stories
  • Make sure you play tag with them
  • Make sure you sword fight with them
  • Make sure you wrestle with them
  • Make sure you take them for apple picking
  • Make sure you take them to farms for tractor rides, apple picking, etc
  • Make sure you take them to the zoo
  • Make sure you take them to the beach
  • Make sure you take them flying around the town
  • Make sure you take them to the Masjid
  • Make sure you do namaaz with them
  • Make sure you spend time doing homework with them
  • Go shopping with them
  • Tell them how important it is to make a special Birthday card, that will occupy them for hours.
  • Do crafts with them
  • Encourage them, give them stars if they finish their chores or homework or looking after younger siblings or finish their food or help you with cleaning.
  • Make them feel special, this will give them confidence
  • When they are sick treat them with TLC, so they will learn & do the same when you get sick.
  • Buy them sweet treats as a reward, other then the usual grocery list.


Observations/Lessons Learned:

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  • Balance between giving them too much and to little.
  • Keep them occupied with constructive projects
  • Help them earn money via chores
  • You will have to tell the kids to do something atleast 2-3 times:
  • They be unwilling to do what is requested
  • They have a very short attention span
  • They get distracted too quickly

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I now have a beautiful relationship with my children, I enjoy spending quality time with them and cherish all the time we have together. Even though I see them two weekends a month, the time we spend is far greater then when I was working from my home office.
I encourage you to re-look at the Needs and Wants of your life and re-prioritize your goals and objectives. Money isn't everything.

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