CustodyMate: Phase 1: Tell-Tale Signs You Are Heading For A Divorce & What You Can Do About It
Have you noticed that you are fighting all the time? Not communicating with one another as you used to? Struggling with a lack of intimacy? Have you noticed things being different? Wondered if there is something going wrong?
Do these questions keep you up at night? If they do, you are not alone.
Hearing the gut-wrenching words ” I want a divorce” or “We need some space” may seem like they came out of nowhere. However, if you step back, you would have seen that there were telltale signs throughout the years that the marriage was in trouble.
Every couple has its issues, however, years of tension and stress from fighting all the time, not communicating with each other, struggling with a lack of intimacy in your marriage, can take its toll and the couples typically end up not speaking to one an another.
While both of you might wonder if it’s time to quit, the tipping point, where you decide that you have reached the point of no-return, can be different from marriage to marriage and from spouse to spouse.
The following are some signs that don’t necessarily mean you are ready to get a divorce but certainly indicate that your marriage has some serious problems and, at the very least, you need to address the issues:
Top 15 Tell-tale Signs You May Be Heading For A Divorce (in no particular order):
- Increased disrespect for each other (yelling, using foul language, etc.)
- Lack of communication (looking for distractions from problems or each other, more into the Tv, texting, etc. to avoid having a conversation)
- Increased and/or frequent arguing
- Lack of sexual intimacy – he / she keeps the distance from you (sleeping on the edge of bed or with a pillow in between, rarely making love, etc.)
- Stress due to financial challenges (not agreeing on how money should be spent or that is not enough, etc.)
- Trust issues
- Family and friends taking sides
- You are constantly re-thinking your decision of being married and why you did it in the first place (you also see yourself as a single person and feels right)
- Living in an imaginary marriage (dreaming about what your marriage should be like, instead of focusing on how it is now)
- Hiding money, prepping for an eventual divorce
- Engaging with people of the opposite sex more frequently and keeping it from your spouse or partner
- Finding less and less things in common as time goes by
- Nothing you do is right in his/her eyes
- You’re the last to know about plans, problems, etc.
- Your spouse or partner all of a sudden is changing the appearance [to look nicer, sexier, etc.] when going out [not with you]
So does it mean its over? Only if you want it to be. Do you want to try and avoid the marriage going by way of separation or divorce?:
- Increased disrespect for each other (yelling, using foul language, etc.) - Solution: Learn to communicate with respect and kindness, avoid yelling, name-calling, or using foul language. Practice active listening and empathy.
- Lack of communication (looking for distractions from problems or each other, more into the TV, texting, etc. to avoid having a conversation) - Solution: Set aside time for regular communication without distractions. Be open and honest about your thoughts and feelings. Practice active listening and empathy.
- Increased and/or frequent arguing - Solution: Learn to communicate more effectively by using "I" statements instead of "You" statements. Take breaks during arguments to cool down and come back to the conversation later. Seek the help of a couples therapist if necessary.
- Lack of sexual intimacy – he/she keeps the distance from you (sleeping on the edge of bed or with a pillow in between, rarely making love, etc.) - Solution: Be open and honest about your sexual desires and needs. Find ways to reconnect emotionally and physically, such as going on dates, holding hands, and cuddling. Seek the help of a sex therapist if necessary.
- Stress due to financial challenges (not agreeing on how money should be spent or that is not enough, etc.) - Solution: Develop a budget together and agree on how money will be spent. Be open and honest about your financial goals and concerns. Seek the help of a financial planner if necessary.
- Trust issues - Solution: Be honest and transparent with each other. Practice forgiveness and give each other the benefit of the doubt. Seek the help of a couples therapist if necessary.
- Family and friends taking sides - Solution: Keep your marital issues private and avoid involving family and friends. Seek the help of a couples therapist if necessary.
- You are constantly re-thinking your decision of being married and why you did it in the first place (you also see yourself as a single person and feels right) - Solution: Reflect on why you got married in the first place and the positive aspects of your relationship. Focus on the present and the future instead of dwelling on the past.
- Living in an imaginary marriage (dreaming about what your marriage should be like, instead of focusing on how it is now) - Solution: Be realistic about your marriage and work on accepting your partner for who they are. Focus on improving your current relationship instead of dreaming about an idealized one.
- Hiding money, prepping for an eventual divorce - Solution: Be open and honest about your finances. Develop a joint financial plan together. Seek the help of a financial planner if necessary.
- Engaging with people of the opposite sex more frequently and keeping it from your spouse or partner - Solution: Be transparent about your social interactions and avoid any behavior that could be perceived as flirtatious or inappropriate. Set healthy boundaries and avoid any situation that could compromise your relationship.
- Finding less and less things in common as time goes by - Solution: Find new activities and interests that you can enjoy together. Explore each other's hobbies and interests.
- Nothing you do is right in his/her eyes - Solution: Avoid criticism and focus on positive reinforcement. Recognize and appreciate your partner's efforts and achievements.
- You’re the last to know about plans, problems, etc. - Solution: Make communication a priority and establish a regular time for sharing important information. Practice active listening and empathy.
- Your spouse or partner all of a sudden is changing the appearance [to look nicer, sexier, etc.] when going out [not with you] - Solution: Be open and honest about your feelings and concerns. Avoid jumping to conclusions and seek to understand the reason for the change in appearance.
The key is to take the time to reevaluate your relationship with your wife or husband, recognize these signs, and to have the guts to take action NOW, so that you can hopefully save your relationship before it is too late. A great, strong marriage doesn’t just happen, but comes from putting the hard work in to make it that way. But it takes two to tango, as they say, and you may need to start preparing for divorce if you honestly know you have tried your hardest to work it out and you feel you have exhausted all of your options and that is really the only way out, because it’s only you who’s trying.
Now that you are aware of the tell-tale signs, continue reading to learn about the strategies you can use to either save your marriage or to prepare for the impending divorce.
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